My masters have hauled me down to this strange new land they keep referring to as The South. It seems like I’ve been hear for ages, which is apparently just long enough for them to inflict me with a bladder infection. I felt so uncomfortable I showed them who’s boss by peeing in things to anger them, and figured they’d break them any moment. Since they hadn’t made me better, I figured I had to be more blunt with these simpletons and started going to the litter box every fifteen minutes and I even stooped so low as to drag my ass on the carpet like a filthy dog.
Little did I know they would try and fight back by taking me to the evil man with his pointy stick that he’d use to poke me. As if that weren’t bad enough they started cramming nasty pills down my throat twice a day after taking me home. To ensure my cooperation, they even had the nerve to withhold food until I submitted to this abuse.
After suffering two weeks of this, they took me back to the evil man and he made noises about growing crystals in my pee or something like that. His solution, switch me over to even crappier kibbles than the diet ones I’d had before and start drinking more distilled water every day. Oh, and he wanted to extend my pill punishment for another week beyond the week I had left!
A few more days of that and I was about at the end of my rope. So I started off by peeing in the masters' suitcase twice in one night! They escalated past that by giving me a bath! The next day they tried to lock me up in a bathroom after that with nothing but lousy prescription kibbles, but I broke out and got into their bedroom. I figured I’d show them good by peeing in their comforter. No, that’s not enough of a statement. So then I crapped on their papers and then smeared it on the wall. Top that silly humans.